After however many years I’ve been doing this weight loss journey, I have come to know my body quite well. (As I should.) One thing my body has a habit of doing is loving a new diet switch… and then just stopping.
I’m under no illusions – sometimes the ‘just stopping’ is completely my fault. I fall off the wagon, whatever. But it often just… stops. It’s come to the point where it’s stressing me out to weigh in because I’ve stopped losing, plateaued a bit, and have since gained again. I feel like someone looks at me the wrong way and I gain weight.
I guess it comes down to that I feel like if I weigh in here having gained, it, for one, makes it real. But I also feel like I’m disappointing the people who read here. It stresses me out to think that people who have seen me do so well might not be so happy to see me gain.
I know it’s a bunch of bullocks, but it does stress me.
I desperately want to be successful and inspire other people to succeed, but I can’t help feeling like it’s not meant to be. Maybe when I find a gyno and get the hormone problems hindering me sorted out, I’ll start losing again. I still hold that going to the naturopath was the best thing I could have done, but it’s just not seeming like enough at the moment.
But, I can’t let what I think *might* happen stop me from doing things.
So, here’s to getting past mental and emotional barriers.
I’m back at 250. I’m disappointed, but it’s not the end of the world. I can and I will do this. I just need to keep going. PCOS, hormones, metabolism, whatever – I refuse to believe that there isn’t some way out there that can help me lose the weight and keep it off.