Blog Archives

Sep
06

Recovery Mode

The best laid plans… Isn’t that how the saying goes?

Nearly three weeks ago, I started not feeling like myself, but I chalked it up to stress. Two weeks ago, I started feeling better, but then the illness came back leaving me tired and grumpy. Last week, it struck with full vengence, leaving the days a blur of pain, sleep, coughing and other miseries.

The Flu.

I got the flu – the real influenza – for the first time in my life last year in July. It was horrible. Somehow I managed to get it again this year and it was twice as bad. I ended up in the hospital twice (once to check I didn’t have pnuemonia, once when I was coughing up blood).

Needless to say, I’m finally getting past things and am into recovery mode. To think, I started out this whole thing wondering if I’d somehow managed to get knocked up and am now grateful my lady part aren’t operational because any tike would have been put through hell being in my womb through all this.

This whole thing has been a wake up call that I want to be stronger. I don’t want things like this to happen to me. I know that no matter what I do for my health, I will get sick sometimes, but I also know I will be able to handle illness better if I’m healthier from the get go.

I’m still very weak and tired, but that’s just giving me plenty of time to contemplate how I’m going to do things from now on. The flu will not knock me three for three.

Category: Checking In  3 Comments
Aug
30

Stephen Fry – Getting out of the I-Mode

I am a huge fan of Stephen Fry and this video shows one of the many reasons why…

Category: Videos  2 Comments
Aug
29

Bye Bye Booties – Revelations

Start: 277
Current: 272

Loss: 5 pounds

(No change)

The revelations keep happening this week, and I only wish my weight could reflect that. I feel like things are being lifted from me as I discover, and that is a beautiful feeling.

Okay, I’ll back up.

Having realised last week just how much fear rules my life, I have begun to notice and nullify my anxiety. I recognise the fear, assess it and often am able to get rid of it just like that. Beautiful, eh?

However, as anxiety goes, people who are used to high levels of stress will often find ways to stress themselves if the environment does not present stressful situations. But the more I acknowledge and assess, the more general the fears get because all the specific situations are being taken care of.

The night before last I found myself having a hard time getting to sleep and I suddenly felt an incredible fear about the next day. Seriously, it was so general that it was, “Oh God, tomorrow is an entirely new day I have to face.”

While I’m sure that is a legitimate fear for other people, I laughed. My mind was so utterly desperate for something to be scared about that it noted I was about to go to sleep and thus the sun would come up tomorrow.

The horror.

I am laughing about it now, but that’s only because I see what my mind is doing. My brain, my psyche, my soul doesn’t know how to exist without stress and fear. To be without them is to be letting my guard down and opening myself to threat. But that’s just not true and I don’t want to live my life like that. I want to be able to have that one day – even if it’s only one day – without fear.

The unfortunate side with all this awareness and assessment is that the things my subconscious is throwing at me are not always as funny as being afraid of facing a new day. I repeatedly almost had meltdowns at the shops yesterday because I was buying myself things (I still have a hard time spending money on myself, but I’m getting past that) and I was feeling tempted by sweets. But those meltdowns were being caused by feelings that were so old that I thought I had dealt with.

Lo and behold, my subconscious is willing to throw anything at me to get me back to where I was.

But I am not bloody going back. I won’t do it. I am here. I am being healthy, I am getting healthy. In mind, body and spirit.

Let’s just hope that my subconscious doesn’t have any really big rocks to throw at me.

Category: Challenges  4 Comments
Aug
22

Bye Bye Booties – Steep Learning Curves

Start: 277
Current: 272

Loss: 5 pounds

(No change)

No change, and I’m okay with that. :)

I went to see my naturopath this weekend, and I’m thinking that I should ditch my psychologist and just start booking double-appointments with her. I swear we only meet to chat and check in… Haha. This is okay because it is bulk-billed. I’m so happy for that because I really enjoy talking with her.

Even if she thinks I’m a challenge.

Yep. At our appointment, she – very gently – said I was a challenge and things would be difficult. Yet, rather than wilting under such a proclaimation, I found it refreshing. It’s not easy to hear, but I felt like she was not only willing to help me but cared enough to be brutally honest with me.

We talked about my anxiety issues and did a simple drawing demonstration that really let me see that I live with fear – often severe – every day. She talked about how that’s not normal and that people are meant to be able to have entire days pass by without being fearful.

An entire day? No fear? Now that is an interesting concept.

So what we’re doing from here on out is taking everything very gently – as much as it irks my impatience. But the key, for me, is to feel safe in all I do or I won’t last in the long term. I need to feel safe with exercise, which means things I enjoy and things that are gentle enough to not cause injury. I need to feel safe in eating, which – at this point – means having dark chocolate on hand.

I feel a bit pathetic saying chocolate makes me feel safe, but I need to accept the adult my childhood has molded and try to work with it.

So I have a lot to think about this week and plenty to work on. I have a bit of a cold going on right now anyway, so I have plenty of thinking time.

How is everyone else doing?

Category: Challenges  3 Comments
Aug
17

Taking Advantage of the Sunshine

Taking advantage of the sunshine of late, I decided to hop in the car when The Bloke went to work and to walk home. It added to 3ks exactly. And, of course, Brin loved it.

Yesterday, I decided to bring along the camera, though I only took the picture of Brin and a couple pictures of the fountain in the centre of the city.

Unfortunately, the walk has proved too much. Even after just a couple mornings, muscles in both my legs were (and still are) too incredibly sore to go for another walk this morning.

The Bloke thinks that the suddenness and the severity of the pain is thanks to the chiropractor straightening things out and me using muscles correctly for once.

This irks me to no end in the ‘binge exerciser’ way, but the calmer, more patient me knows that this is just a new thing to deal with. I’ll have to do more upper body work until my legs can do more.

Sigh. Oooommmm. :P

Category: Exercise  2 Comments
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