Blog Archives
Category: Announcements
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Dec
22
Here’s to all the people who truly need Christmas cheer. To everyone who wants to feel happy but can’t. To everyone who smiles through the pain until they can be alone to cry. To the people who see the joy on others’ faces but can’t quite feel it in themselves. To the people with the invisible ailments that don’t show on the outside, but hurt so much on the inside.
During this holiday season, here is to all of you. Because the most precious gift often is knowing that you aren’t alone.
Category: Mental Health
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Dec
14
…when, if you don’t stop, your body will stop for you.
I can’t believe I let it happen to me again, but I did – and yesterday I suffered the consequences.
With the hormones, the demands from work (and a lot of demanding people), suddenly having to figure out how to do Australian income taxes, a stack of Christmas cards yet to finish and send out, financial woes, and just wanting nothing more than to sit down and write… Well, all that stress bubbled up and came out yesterday.
After walking out of the tax office (an appointment we had to put on our credit card), I sat down on the steps and just cried. Poor Bloke was great and helped me to calm down, but I was in full on panic attack mode just trying to breath and not think about anything other than being in that exact moment. Every time I started thinking about something else we had to do, I couldn’t breathe again. So I had to sit and not think about any of it.
Not exactly an easy task for a woman who runs her to-do list through her head almost constantly.
I managed to calm down and make it through the day, but getting the rest of my work done involved frequent breaks because I couldn’t sit for long doing it before I’d start to tear up and have trouble breathing again.
Today is a bit better, but I still have to layer my work with task, non-work something, task, non-work something… (This is one of my non-work somethings.)
I was in denial. I was in denial about being exhausted, about being strapped for cash, about having to declare a no-presents Christmas because we just can’t afford it, about the fact that not having a ‘proper’ Christmas broke my heart because it’s ‘my’ holiday, that I was freaking out over having to learn taxes because we can’t afford an accountant, about… a million and one different things.
I’m so tired of feeling like I have to justify my stress because someone might scorn me for having it better than they do.
So no more justifications, no more denying that I want to give my husband a gift on Christmas even if I have to put it on a credit card and no more feeling like I have to keep my mouth shut when they treat me like crap.
I’m done with all of it.
Category: Body, Mental Health
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Dec
08
This week I have hormones on the brain and, apparently, coursing through my body.
I have PCOS, which basically means everything is harder. Feeling good, feeling happy, getting (and staying) fit, losing weight and makin’ babies. I went into the doctor yesterday not only to get to know a new female doctor I’ll be seeing but also to discuss some problems I’ve been having lately.
From headaches to cramps to annoyingly super sensitive nipples, I have been scoring better than a hormonal trifecta over the past two weeks. While these signs might be happy little warning flags to many women, for me, it’s just another reminder that my hormones are out of wack and I’m not doing enough to set them straight.
Thankfully the hormone gods have granted me some reprieve. While I’m usually a sweet-tooth kind of woman 100%, I have been totally digging the salt lately. While I have to be careful about getting too much of that as well, I’m just glad not to be desperate for chocolate or other sweet things.
So if I’m a little grumpy this week, blame my hormones. I do. 
Unfortunately, the onset of so many things at the same time has my doctor directing me to go back on the pill. There are a lot of reasons why I don’t want to go back on the pill, but whether I do or not depends on how much longer I can tolerate what’s happening to me…
Category: Body, General
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Dec
07
Hanlie tagged me with this a week ago. I’m running a little late on everything, it seems. 
So, seven things about me…
1. I haven’t eaten McDonalds since before I moved to Australia. And I’m proud of it.
2. I have had lucid dreams, and they were amazing.
3. I absolutely adore dancing but shy away from classes because I am self-conscious about getting sweaty.
4. I always thought I should have a great ability to draw. Sadly, it seems my brother got all of the talent in drawing.
5. I get Christmas in July syndrome when the weather is dreary and I feel the need to bake cookies.
6. I have a black thumb. I’ve even killed ivy.
7. I’m an artist at heart. Besides writing books, I like embroidery, zine making, scrapbooking, painting and card making.
If you read this, consider yourself tagged. Don’t forget to leave the link here.
Category: General
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