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What Would You Do?

When 451Press, and my blog on their network, went down the crapper, I decided to carry on with a new website. My own website where only I (and the server) would be responsible for it.

I picked the name ‘Naturally Curvy’ for the new site because I wanted it to be about me learning to love myself and my curves as well as learning to create and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I accept that I will never be – and do not want to be – a toothpick woman. I have hips meant for bearing children, the shoulders of a farmer’s daughter and big ol’ boobs that I love.

But I seem to have missed that message, that original intent I had for this site. I continued on focusing on the scale and doing what I could to get rid of these damned pounds. At one point, I lost weight so fast that my gallbladder had to be removed.

Then we moved. I gained weight. And, despite an increase in exercise and decrease in eating, I can’t seem to get it off.

And I’m left wondering if it’s some divine justice.

I’ve realised lately that I have a lot of anger when it comes to weight loss and body image. I have so much anger bottled up inside and I don’t know what to do with it. I mentioned therapy as a possibility to help me lose weight. But is that missing the point? Is that really going to do any good when all I really want is body acceptance?

I’m not healthy at this weight, I know. The Bloke and I won’t have kids until I lose most of it. And yet… I want to be able to have kids now (not to have them, but be able to have them). I don’t want the weight to be the deciding factor. I want to feel like people love me as I am now (and many do, I’m not saying they don’t, but I don’t always feel it). Part of me is so angry because things depend on me losing weight, while I feel like weight loss won’t be natural if things depend on it.

If that makes any sense.

What would you do to start loving yourself and accepting your curves? Would you throw out the scale? Would you try other things to love yourself while still trying to lose the weight? Would you call a hold on losing the weight until you get the rest sorted out?

I don’t know what to do.

Category: Body, General  4 Comments

My Guilty Pleasures

In the original question for Monday Mailbag, I mentioned ‘non-food indulgences’, but I think ‘guilty pleasures’ is a much more fun phrase, don’t you think?

Basically, I asked you to list your fun activities or indulgences that have nothing to do with food.

I mentioned dancing. I love dancing so much, though I don’t do it much anymore. I did get a belly dancing video that I’m excited to start. Belly dancing is not only beautiful and seductive, you can do it by yourself as well! I’ve always been someone who loves to dance, and it’s a ‘guilty pleasure’ activity that is good for you!

I also mentioned stretching. Haha. Just think of me as part cat. Scratch my back and let me stretch, and then I’m in heaven.

I’m not that much of a jewelry woman and I’m not that into purses, but I do have one stereotypically ‘female’ guilty pleasure.

Pillows.

Now, I’m not into all the tiny, frilly, beaded things that you can’t use when you’re sleeping, but I absolutely love pillows. We have six normal size pillows on my bed and I use four. Only because I don’t have a body pillow (best. Thing. Ever.) anymore… But when the husband is off to work, I happily use his two pillows as well.

I know I said non-food indulgences, but I figure I can tuck one healthy food indulgence in, given this is a fitness site.

Sweet potatoes.

Yum yum! I rarely eat potatoes anymore (mostly because they used to put me to sleep) and will always choose sweet potato over regular potato. Yum!

So what are your guilty pleasures?

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I’m a Hypocrite

I have always told my husband that I appreciated his honest. I have always been able to ask my husband if I looked okay in this or that, if something made me look big or not, and can trust that he will tell me the truth.

But sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes I’m a hypocrite.

I’ve gained some weight after the move for various reasons, and a couple days ago, I put on a shirt that felt a little tight. It’s short and has a collar, so it always feels a little stiff, but it verged on uncomfortable this time. I went out to my husband and asked if it looked a little tight.

He said, “Yes, it does. I think you need to lose those extra pounds again.”

I know that it’s ‘only human’ to wish for the best of both worlds, but I feel like a hypocrite. I asked for the truth and he told me. I should feel lucky to have a husband who takes the time to look and be honest with me – and I do.

But the truth is also a harsh mistress. One we need to face if we’re going to do something about our health. We need to face the facts about diabetes, heart disease, infertility, etc if that’s what it takes to get the motivation to get healthy.

Still…

Do you ever find yourself wishing that the truth would take a brief holiday, even for a minute?

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Checking In – Gasbagging

(For my non-Oz friends: ) In Australia, when someone says you’ve been gasbagging, you’re most likely a woman who has been talking a lot with another woman. This post? This is going to be a gasbagging post – at least on my part.

Firstly, I didn’t expect to have no internet connection at the new place for as long as I was. We got a severe runaround from our ISP, but we eventually got our connection up and running. Of course, I had to get my desk built and my desktop hooked up after that.

All boring details that are taken care of now.

The new place is lovely. We’re not completely unpacked, but we’re already heaps more relaxed than we were in the old place. No police cars, no screaming matches and no being paranoid about leaving the place for fear of windows being broken into.

Just to add to the chaos, we’ve added a new member to our family:

This is Asimov, our eight week old male kitten of no particular breed. He’s very playful and loves cuddles. He’d always rather sleep in someone’s arms rather than in his comfy bed. Unlike all cats I’ve known in the past, he is very vocal. He’ll let you know how he’s feeling – especially when he’s wanting some attention.

Asimov is the first pet who is truly mine and is the Bloke’s and my first pet as a couple. The Bloke isn’t a cat guy, but Asimov has even made a place in his heart.

I have found the scale and stepped on it, but I’m not going to utter the numbers. Besides, I’ve somehow acquired a stomach virus that will certainly influence my weight anyway. Until the unpacking is done and we’re truly settled in, I’m going to just look after my health and deal with the other stuff later.

Having moved AND gotten a kitten, the Bloke and I are feeling good about going through with the things we say we are going to do. The next steps will be things like planting some veggies and herbs, exercising consistently and going out less.

Things are looking good…

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Mailbox Monday Returns?

Some of you will remember Mailbox Monday from Finally Getting Fit. Do you think I should revive it here or let it rest in peace?

(If you’re not familiar, it’s just me asking one question a week about health, weight loss, exercise, etc.)

Category: General  2 Comments