Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad breath.

This made him … A super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Finally, I’d like to offer up the following, slightly modified, version of the Pledge of Allegiance.

I pledge allegiance
To the flag
Of the United State of America
And to the Republic
For which it stands
One nation

Under God, Yahweh, Allah, Vishnu, Kali, Shiva, Brahma, Saraswathi, Lakshmi, Parvathi, Ganesha, Anjaneya, Gaea, Uranus, Cronus, Rhea, Oceanus, Tethys, Hyperion, Mnemosyne, Themis, Iapetus, Coeus, Crius, Phoebe, Thea, Prometheus, Epimetheus, Atlas, Metis, Dione, Zeus, Poseidon, Hades, Hestia, Hera, Ares, Athena, Apollo, Aphrodite, Hermes, Artemis, Hephaestus, Asclepius, Demeter, Persephone, Dionysus, Eros, Hebe, Eris, Helius, Thanatos, Pan, Nemesis, The Graces, The Muses, The Erinyes, The Fates, Iuppiter, Iuno, Minerva, Vesta, Ceres, Diana, Venus, Mars, Mercurius, Neptunus, Volcanus, and Apollo, Ianus, Saturnus, Quirinus, Volturnus, Pales, Furrina, Flora, Carmenta, Pomona, Portunus, Fontanus, Aker, Amun, Ammut, Anubis, Aten, Bastet, Geb, Hapi, Hathor, Horus, Isis, Khepri, Khnum, Maat, Min, Mut, Neith, Nepthys, Nut, Osiris, Ptah, Ra, Sekhmet, Seshat, Seth, Sobek, Taurt, Thoth, Anu, Ninhursag, Enlil, Enki, Marduk, Tiamat, Kingu, Nabu, Ishtar, Ea, Enurta, Anshar, Shamash, Ashur, Kishar, Tao, Amaethon, Angus Mac Og, Arawn, Brainthus, Belatuadros, Beli, Borvo, Bran the Blessed, Camulos, Cernunnos, Condatis, Dispater, Dwyvan, Dylan, Esus, Govannon, Grannos, Gwyddno, the Horned God, Llud, Lugh, Mandred, Myrrdin Wyllt, Oghma, Achtland, Adsullata, Aerten, Agrona, Aife, Aine, Andarta, Andraste, Anu, Aoibhell, Ariadne, Arianrhood, Arnamentia, Aveta, Badb, Belisama, Blodeuwedd, Brigantia, Bridgid, Britannia, Cailleach Bheur, Cerridwen, Cliodna, Clota, Condwiramur, Corra, Coventina, Cred, Creddylad, Cyhiraeth, Damara, Damona, Divona, Druantia, Epona, Erce, Goewin, Habetrot, Henwen, Latis, Le Fay, Marcia Proba, Modron, Morgan LeFAy, Morgay, Morrigan, Nantosuelta, Nicevenn, Nimue, Oanuava, Njord, Freyr, Frigg, Freyja, Nanna, Skadi, Hermod, Odin, Bor, Tyr, Loki, Heimdall, Ulle, Forsetti, Aegir, Ran, Hel, Sif, Bragi, Idun, Balder, Ve, Vili, Vidar, Hod, Ba, Bixia Yuanjin, Cai-shen, Cao Guo-Jiu, Cheng-Huang, Chu Jiang, Dha-Shi-Zhi, Di-cang, Di-guan, Dong-yue da-di, Dou mu, Er-lang, Fan-Kui, Fei Lian, Feng Po-po, Fu-zing, Gao Yao, Gong De Tian, Gou Mang, Guan-di, Gui Xian, Gun, Han, Han Xian-zi, He Bo, Heng O, Hou JI, How-Chu, How-too, Hu Jing-de, Huang Fei-hu, Huang-lao, Huang-lao-jun, Ji Nu, Jian Lao, Jin Jia, Kui-xing, Kwan Yin, Lan Cai-he, Lao-jun, Lei-gong, Lei-zi, Li Tie-guai, Ling-bao tian-zong, Lieu Bei, Long-wang, Lu Ban, Lu Dong-bin, Lu-xing, ma Wang, Ma-mian, Men-shen, Mo-hi-hai, Mu Gong, Mu-king, Niu Want, Nu-gua, Pa, Pa-cha, Pan Jin Lian, Pan-gu, Qi Gu-niang, Ru Shou, San-qing, San-xing, Shen Yi, Shen-nung, Shou-lao, Shou-xing, Shui-guan, si-ming, Song Di, Song-zi niang-niang, Sun-pi, Tai-sui-xing, Tai-yi, Tai-yue da-di, Tao-de tian-zong, Tian Hou, Tian-guan, Tian-mu, Tu-di, Want Mu niang-niang, Wei Cheng, Wei-tuo, Wen-chang, Wen-shu, Wu Guan, Xi Shi, Xi Want-mu, Xian, Yang Jing, Yan-lo, Yao-shi, Yen-lo-wang, Yi-Ti, Yuan-shi tian-zong, Yu-huang, Yu-qiang, Zao-jun, Zhang Fei, Zhang Xian, Zhi Song-zi, Zhi-ni, Zhong kui, Zhu Rong, Zi-yu, Anguta, Aningan, Asgaya Gigagei, Atira, Awonawilona, Big Heads, Breathmaker, Coyote, eohako, Estanatlehi, Evening Star, First Man, First Woman, Gahe, Sluskap, Hio, Irdlirvirisissong, Kanati, Kitcki Manitou, Michabo, Morning Star, Magenatzani, Nesaru, Nokomis, North Star, Ocasta, Olelbis, Rabbit, Raven, Sedna, Selu, Shakura, South Star, Sun, Tekkeitserktock, Tirarwa-Atius, Thobadestchin, Thoume, Torngasak, Twin Thunder Bosy, Wachabe, Centeotl, Chalchiuhtlicue, Chantico, Chicomecoatl, Cihuacaotyl, Coatlicue, Ehecatl, Huehueteotl, Huitzilopochtli, Iztpzpalotl, Iztlilton, Macuilzochitl, Metztli, Mictlan, Mictlantecuhtle, Mictlantecihuatl, Ometecuhlti, Patecatli, Paynal, Quetzalcoatl, Teoyaomqui, Tezcatlipoca, Tlaloc, Tlazolteotl, Tonacatecuhtli, Tonatiuh, Tonantzin, Xilonen, Zipe Totec, Xiuhetecuhtle, Xochipilli, Yacatecuhtli, Apo, Apocatequil, Apu Illapu, Catequil, Cavillaca, Chasca, Chasca Coyllur, Cocomama, Coniraya, Copacati, Ekkeko, Huaca, Illapa, Inti, Ka-Ata-Killa, Kon, Mama Allpa, Mam Cocha, Mama Oello, Mama Pacha Mama Quilla, Manco Capac, Pachacamac, Pariacaca, Paricia, Punchau, Supay, Rucaguary, Vichama, Viracocha, Zaramama, the Triple Goddess, the Divine, Hastur, Cthulu, Yog Sothoth, the Great Old ones, the Elder Gods, and any other gods or goddesses that may be added at a later date as they are discovered,

Indivisible
With liberty and justice for all.

Young Chuck moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next Day he drove up and said, “Sorry, Son, but I have some bad news, The horse died.”

Chuck replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

Chuck said, “Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.”

The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”

Chuck said, “I’m going to raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!”

Chuck said, “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, “What happened With that dead horse?”

Chuck said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a Piece and made a net profit of $898.00.”

The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”

Chuck said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.”

Chuck grew up and now works for the government.

And you thought you were a clever little sh!t in school…

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