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Food for Thought

There are times when I sit back and wonder how I managed to survive growing up in the States. I was addicted to processed food, the Easy Mac queen, and the microwave was my best friend. Crisps and cheese dip from a can were the regular additions to movie nights. I rarely drank water, instead opting for some power drink or soda.

I drank a lot of milk, though. At least there is that.

I loved my fish fingers and my microwave soup. Cheese from a spray can was always fun, loading up a single Ritz cracker with a mountain of the orange stuff. It’s hard to believe I had any standards, but I never could get used to scalloped potatoes from a box.

Last night as I cooked chicken souvlaki with fresh garlic, onion and chicken fillets from the butcher, I felt sad that I couldn’t have made something a little more elaborate for dinner. More flavours, perhaps, or a little more variety in the meal than just a souvlaki.

‘Just’ a souvlaki.

I caught myself mid-thought and gave myself a hearty mental slap. Just a souvlaki? When I lived in the US, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you what a souvlaki was, much less actually make you one. It’s as if, in that moment, my standards for myself had flown through the roof and I’d forgotten how much I’ve grown over the past nearly four years.

Since moving to Australia and, without transition, converting my diet to fresh food and heaps of water (and experiencing what I call ‘The Great Australian Detox’ for it), my world has changed. Food has become my art and my passion. Creating a beautiful meal is like the thrill of creating a new world of fiction for a novel. For me, a meal is a combination of not just flavours but also of colour, arrangement, texture and the love I put into it.

A lot has changed since spray cheese in a can.

I work with a handicap as well. I have only one functional sinus and a very lacking sense of smell because of it. But I have never let that stop me from pursuing my passion.

Call it a higher power, fate or simply good luck, but I believe I was meant to come to Melbourne. The café culture and amazing assortment of international cuisines waiting to be tasted inspire me in a way nothing else can. I proudly bear the label of foodie and have even become a little bit of a food snob, to be honest. I have a rule to try everything once and have found it to be a good way to live life as well as experience food.

Food fascinates me and Melbourne is my new playground. Margaret Fulton is my main teacher through her encyclopaedia of cookery, but the city is filled with many mentors. I’ve done my native born Australian friends proud by making ANZAC bikkies like gram used to make, lovely lamingtons and even a mint slice or two. I think I’ll always be known for my brownies, though.

Recently a friend and I had a brief chat about how far I have come in the short time I have been here, and how I’ll have a great autobiography to write some decades down the road. Honestly, I think I will, too. For now, though, I will be enjoying being the equivalent of a four year old in the Melbourne food world with everything new, fresh and exciting.

And I’ll stop being so hard on myself about the souvlaki.

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What Works?

When I told The Bloke that I’d hit the “I refuse to let myself gain anymore weight back” point, he told me that I needed to sit down for some reflection. I needed to figure out what worked in the past and what didn’t. He wasn’t just talking about diets, either; he meant which bits and pieces worked for me.

After much thought, I know these things work for me:

*Cutting out 99% of bread, potatoes and rice (I am a former carbaholic)
*Going raw (calms down my mind)
*Meal replacements (helps me create a sense of control that helps me to not binge)

With those things in mind, I have created a balance that, I think, will work well for the rest of my life. The meal replacements won’t be a part of my life forever, but they’ll help me maintain control while I take the steps in creating the framework for a healthy life. Right now I use meal replacements for breakfast (to get me used to eating then in the first place) and to help me have a sensible lunch. When I’ve been at this for a while, I’ll be switching to lunch salads and healthy breakfasts (smoothies! oatmeal!). Otherwise, I’ll be going mostly raw with my eating.

But, after all that thought, I also realize that the big ol’ elephant in the room has a “Hi, my name is EXERCISE” on his chest and is looking at me with little patience in his expression.

I work from home. I’m a bit shy, so I don’t get out socially a lot. The gym is too expensive. I have Wii Fit, which has been working, but I have a hard time sticking to an exercise program. I have yet to figure out what works for me for exercise.

I’m open to ideas.

What works for you for exercise – especially when you just start? Is walking your thing? How about rewards? Are you a morning exerciser or night? Spread it out in doable chunks through the day? Do you do anything creative to get yourself to do it or do you not need to?

Live and Learn

Last week I decided I would take pictures of all the food I ate in order to see how it influenced me. Would I eat less? Would I eat healthier foods? So on and so forth.

While things didn’t go as planned when my binge demons came out to play, I did learn a lot from this project…

What I Learned:

*I do a lot more mindless eating than I thought. I need to stop multitasking and focusing on my food when I eat.
*Starting the day off with a smoothie? Awesomeness.
*When I was taking pictures, I cared what my food looked like. When I cared what my food looked like, I found it more pleasing aesthetically as well as found it tasted better. I need to care about my food no matter who is or isn’t watching.
*Giving up addictions (like sugar) takes time. You can’t go from all to zero suddenly or you will binge. Not to mention experience other physical unpleasantness.
*Spinach leaves are incredibly versatile.

*Finally, I learned that the most impressive thing for me with this project is what I didn’t eat:

*Glass of orange juice x2
*Piece of bread w/hommus
*Chai latte
*Cottage cheese spoonfull (number of occasions)
*Doughnut (had a bad day and wanted sugar)
*Kahlua and milk
*Alcoholic cider
*Chips (french fries)
*Crisps (potato chips)

*and probably a few other things I didn’t list but they passed through my mind and then quickly out when I saw my camera.

And…

*I didn’t overeat when I easily could have.

All in all, I think every person trying to live a healthier lifestyle should try doing this. Has it cured my binge eating? No. For the moment, but I’m no dummy. I have emotional issues to work out. But it has gotten me to think about food – and portions differently. It’s gotten me to think about how much I not only hide from other people but from myself. It has gotten me to realise that, while I thought I was ‘doing okay’ diet-wise, I actually have a lot of room to improve with healthy eating.

I do hope that everyone who reads this has tried it, is trying it or will try it. I may have had a crash and burn moment, but I’m going to keep on taking pictures (though not loading them too the site because I just don’t have time for that).

When it Goes Wrong

When I was a child, I always prided myself on keeping my promises. While eating was the one thing I could control day in and day out, I still had the occasional opportunity to make a promise – and keep it.

On Sunday, I made a promise. And while I don’t want to keep it at this moment, I still hold to that childhood pride of never breaking a promise.

I swore to you that I would take a picture of everything I put in my mouth. The two times I haven’t been able to, it was because I didn’t have my camera with me and because of weird disappearing pictures. (I took the picture; it’s just not on my memory card…)

But there is something I didn’t take a picture of, and it’s not because of technical difficulties.

I’m a binge eater. I don’t say that as an excuse so much as a preface that I hope will help you to understand.

You see, when I talk about my binge eating experiences, it’s always my fear that people won’t stand the utter loss of control when it comes to a binge.

When I was making brownies last night, I binged. I binged not in terms of size but in terms of the lack of control. I made the brownies… and lost control. My logical mind knew I didn’t actually want the brownies, I couldn’t stop myself from licking the spatula. From eating not one, but two spoonfuls of brownie mix.

Two spoonfuls of brownie mix, not huge in size but huge in the amount of guilt it gives me. Huge in how I am reminded that my binge eating rises from emotional issues that won’t just go away if I don’t deal with them. Huge in reminding me that I have come a long way, but I have a long way to go.

Now that I’ve typed it, I’m not sure why I was feeling so afraid of typing this here. It’s all part of the journey, after all, and the emotional blow it has dealt me won’t be forgotten anytime soon.

Visual Food Diary – Day Three

And now for the ‘out and about’ edition of my food diary… Well, I was out for part of the day, anyway.

Smoothie, as usual, but not as good as my usual. I didn’t get time to make my own before I left, so I bought one. I went with banana, honey and wheatgerm.

Salmon and avocado hand roll times two. In retrospect, two was too many. I used to down two at a time, but I just don’t eat that much anymore. Old habits die hard. At least – except for the white rice – these babies are all goodness.

This, my friends, is sashimi – sushi without the rice. The lighter stuff is salmon and the darker red is tuna. Absolutely delicious with a bit of lemon and soy sauce. Also, the white stuff underneath? Radish to garnish. Also very good with lemon and soy sauce.

These are sesame snaps – pretty much just sesame seeds and honey. They make a perfect sweet-tooth buster with no gluten, no cholesterol. Very small, but very good.

However, I discovered that fish and sesame snaps don’t make a very good snack, because I was feeling pretty darn hungry a few hours later. So I had…

Good ol’ apple.

Lately, there has just been something about salads, so dinner consisted of a big salad of spinach leaves, rocket, tomato, tasty cheese and warm lamb. Yum. Sorry for the Pollock dressing style. I barely had any left, so I added some water, which made it go all over the place.

I meant to end the evening there, but a friend is having their last day at work this Friday, so I baked some brownies for The Bloke to bring into work. I couldn’t resist having a piece of my own, so I had a small brownie about the width and length of my middle and forefinger.

The reason it’s not pictured? I don’t know. I took the picture, but when I went to load it with all the rest, it wasn’t there. I really have no idea and am rather upset. Either my camera or the memory card flubbed up.

Even so.

Thoughts

I feel like I ate too much today. Like I said, two sushi rolls was just too much at one sitting, and overall, I feel like I had a lot of food. The Bloke says I’m being too hard on myself, but I probably should have at least skipped the brownie.

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