Naturally Curvy

Cammy (yes, frequent source of inspiration) recently posted about visualizing what she and life would be like while maintaining a healthier lifestyle at a healthier weight. Starting at the end helped her to make the small changes she needed to get there.

I can attest to the positive things this kind of visualization can create. By looking at my goal, I already know that I am going to be more active. I am also going to cook more often and visit the shops for fresh ingredients more often. I’ll also still be eating pasta.

Looking at things as a lifestyle has still continued to help me since I first talked about it. The biggest difference would have to be not getting so down on myself about mistakes. Oh, I feel really full, which means I ate too much. That kind of thing used to throw me into a depression where I criticized myself until I got distracted by something else. Now? I just remember that I don’t need to eat that much at dinner because I am satisfied with less.

I have a writer’s conference coming up this week. While it is only about five days (two of which I’ll be eating at least one meal at home anyway), I am a little nervous about eating. But, unlike before, it’s only a little nervous. This is perfect practice for healthy social eating (and drinking!), so I’m excited to see how I go.

All in all, I’m reeking of positivity most of the time. That’s a bit strange for me…

Yep, that’s right; it’s my birthday. Hehe. And I’m feeling pretty damn good.

After a fortnight or so of flu, I finally got out of the ‘everything will be right’ fog denial and got back on the Wii Fit on Monday. Wow. Yep. Gained some weight. Now being closer to my starting weight of 264 than to my ‘I’m finally feeling good about me!’ weight of 220 was a shocker. I should have known it was coming, given how little I’ve been doing lately, but it still had me upset.

But then I changed my mind.

I knew I had to do something, as you do when you have ‘that’ moment of looking at the scale, shaking your head and knowing you don’t want to go back ‘there’. I don’t want to. I didn’t realize how truly good I felt at 220 until I gained some of the weight back. Now I get ovary twinges again, my hip isn’t happy with me, and I feel fat in a way I didn’t at 220. Needless to say I haven’t worn a pair of my regular jeans in a while, instead opting for what I have that’s a bit bigger.

Instead of melting into a puddle and forcing myself to get my act together because I had to, I decided that wasn’t the way to go. After all, hadn’t I started all my changes that way? Out of fear? Out of being upset? I decided that this time would be different.

I would start my new lifestyle out of a good place.

The first thing I did was get out of the house and into the sunshine. Then I walked to the shops and got a haircut. Gasp! I now have fringe/bangs! Layers! Fluffy hair I actually do stuff with instead of putting up in a clip every day!

The universe was definitely backing me up on the ‘starting from a positive’. The haircut was free because they had a newbie on. The meal replacement bars I like because I have a hard time eating during the day were on sale! For half off! A saleswoman saw me with the boxes in my arms and stopped by to give me a pep talk, wishing me the best.

So what could have been a horrid, horrid day full of “I have to do this” became a day of “I want to do this”. I even found some excellent books at the library that focus on the emotional components of eating rather than diets.

I started this all on Monday. Because I knew that I didn’t want to start on my birthday. By the time my birthday came, I needed to be doing something about my health. It sounds weird to me even now, but I couldn’t start another year of starts. I needed to start a year already doing something. And so I have.

Good stuff.

I had my last day of antibiotics today and the virus still seems alive and well, having moved into my throat glands. I don’t have a sore throat (thank goodness) but the glands (you know – where doctors always feel just on the underside of your jaw bone) hurt. Fun, fun. I’m supposed to go back to the doctor if I’m not well by the time the antibiotics are done, but I think I’ll leave it a few days to see what happens.

This has been one nasty virus, that’s for sure. Thankfully The Bloke seems right as rain now after having taken his round of antibiotics.

Of course, with all this happening, I haven’t been doing well at all on the exercise and focus on healthy eating. We’ve mostly been eating Japanese, which is much better than many alternatives, but I’m missing veggies.

Thankfully the brain fog from all this is lifting off a bit, so we’ll be cooking at home more often again.

Meh.

In the end, on or off the wagon doesn’t matter so long as you’re on the path.

That is all.

Well, not really, but I won’t be posting much until I’m feeling more human.