While it hasn’t been as long as I thought since I last posted, it has certainly been a while.

Problems started around mid-month when I started getting exhausted with the half an hour of exercise every morning. Given it was gentle exercise, I became quite depressed and got a first class ticket on the ‘what’s wrong with me’ train.

After a few frustrating appointments, a few frustrating doctors and some blood tests, I’m back on the right track.

As it turns out, I’m skirting but still not stepping into diabetes territory – thank goodness. My vitamin D is low (which doesn’t surprise me, seeing as I skipped supplements for a while before the test to make sure I got a real reading). And, for the first time in my life, my iron is low, which is likely the cause of my exhaustion.

I’ve finally gotten started with the local program that will get me on my feet in all ways. There are classes about pain management (yay aching knees and ankles thanks to weight), stress management groups, a dietician and even some gym time for me. Not to mention a new psychologist who covered a heap of things in the first session. I also managed to find a good GP that doesn’t buy into BMI, understands that PCOS is a real condition and who puts an emphasis on balanced eating.

For so long I have struggled, tripped, gotten up again just to trip later down the line. Always I have wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn’t just keep going. As it turns out, my GP slapped me across the face with it:

“You can’t keep doing this alone.”

While I have never been truly alone, it occurs to me now (in a ‘duh’ kind of moment) that I haven’t set up a proper ‘team’ for myself in the past. Not only friends who know what I’m going through but the kind of professional sort I need. Partly, I must admit, because I’m not all that keen on taking care of myself and have always seen getting all that support as playing into the victim mentality. But now I see that it’s not wrong to need a lot of hands to hold.

Today I’m back to square one, but I don’t mind being here. I started with exercise, I’m starting up the supplements, I got a new hair cut to make me feel good and even a new notebook for tracking things (the GP said that the dietician will want a food diary, so I may as well start one).

Another start. It may not be the last. But then again, it just might be.