My earliest memory of binge eating was at about the age of five. The abuse in my life started early and in a few different ways. Binge eating was my way of coping and being able to feel something besides the emptiness and disconnection from the world.
It wasn’t exactly surprising that I was obese long before I hit puberty. When I did hit puberty, I had all the fun of dealing with out of control hormones that came with PCOS, which were only made worse by my obesity.
I started dieting from a fairly early age with my likewise obese mother and sometimes with my aunt as well. Unfortunately, our routine became going out for ‘for tomorrow we diet’ glutton fests and then only staying on the diet for a few weeks – barely working off what we had gained with the glutton fests.
Weight Watchers worked great for a while. So did the South Beach Diet. I was a lot more enthusiastic about dieting when I was younger, but mostly it was doing something with my mother that really made me happy. But then, always, she would grow tired of the diet. My aunt as well, in the time she had joined in. I would hang on for another week, maybe two, but I always ended up wondering what the point was when I was going it alone and feeling lonely all the while.
In 2006, I moved to Australia to live with my then boyfriend (now husband) who rarely ate packaged food, never ate McDonald’s and didn’t even use a microwave.
A few weeks of the natural eating saw me get very sick for a few days as my body started expelling the toxins that had built up in my body since childhood. After hearing the doctor tell me that, I made it my mission to try to lose weight and live a healthier life not only for me but for my husband and our future children as well.
It certainly hasn’t been an easy road. Melbourne’s café culture and range of exotic food gave me a whole new world of temptations. I went back to the old way of dieting, which, of course, didn’t work in the least.
I hit my highest weight – 264 pounds or about 120 kilos – and knew I had to do something dramatic if I wanted to lose weight and improve my health. Always one to have a hard time eating breakfast, I suggested meal replacements to my dietitian.
She thought the idea was excellent, so I decided to go it full force by starting at the first stage (replacing all my meals with bars or shakes and having a bowl of veggies daily) on May 21st, 2009.
As of August 17th, I am on the transition (2nd) phase of a meal replacement program. Whereas many diets didn’t work and/or gave me a four pound gain for even looking at a sweet, this has been amazing for me. Meal replacements sometimes get put in a bad light, but for me, I’m finally losing the weight that I have wanted and needed to lose.
Welcome to my site. I hope you find friendship, comradeship and someone who knows what it’s like to be there.