For this week’s Friday funny, I am going to post a story from my old weight loss blog…
This is probably – no, this just plain is – too much information, but if you avoid getting a PAP Smear because you think it’s embarrassing and uncomfortable…
Well, I have a tale for you that will have you not feeling quite so embarrassed in comparison.
(Put after the more tag for the sake of the menfolk.)
No woman likes getting a PAP Smear. As far as most of us are concerned, the list of things that should go ‘up there’ does not include a speculum. Not to mention another woman (or man) checking out your lady bits ‘because you have to’.
I’ve never had a PAP Smear. So, naturally, I shaved my legs for my first appointment. You know, the one when she didn’t actually have time to do one. This past appointment when she did have time? I was at the brillo pad stage of needing to shave my legs.
To be honest, I think she was more uncomfortable than I was. Why? That’s where the tale gets interesting.
She did a quick check of my outer areas and I must have gone to my happy place somehow because it wasn’t a big deal. It was a necessity. She warmed up the speculum (why, thank you doctor) and then, well, stuck it in.
After a minute or two of her moving around, I started to get the giggles, but I kept myself in check. I mentioned that during my abdominal ultrasound, I had to prop my hips on my fists. She got a pillow instead and went back to it.
After another minute or two, she said, “I’ll just use the other speculum. It’s just a bit longer.”
She warmed that up, put it in, and… A few minutes later, she sighed. “I’m just not getting a good view.”
She tried again for a little big and then sighed. She’d given up. No good view. No PAP Smear. Just commentary about how I have a ‘deep’ cervix and need to come back when I can sit in their special chair.
Lovely, huh? And you thought your PAP Smear was bad. I just got the prod but not the sample. HEHE!
My husband’s comment when I told him later?
“Oh, so you don’t have a womb with a view.”
Oy.