I have to say that I can already tell that stopping posting my weight stats on here for right now was the right thing to do. The feeling isn’t incredibly massive, but I do feel like a stress has been taken away. And it’s not that I don’t think you all understand the highs and lows; it’s all in the craziness of my own head.

That being said…

Things have been going pretty well lately. The doctor’s appointment revealed some good news – which I’ll talk about in a later post. I feel like I am getting closer to the core issues I have with food, appearance, eating, etc.

It’s always weird when you’re trying to dredge up memories. There are reasons the memories were hidden in the first place, so you run into all sorts of interesting road blocks along the way. Anything from uncomfortable feelings to convincing yourself of things (or trying to) can pop up.

Self-examination is also never easy. Nobody is perfect, so facing your hang-ups is hard. But I’m keeping on with it because I know I have to.

On the physical side of things, I’m working on waking up my sleepy digestive system. I’m eating even more veggies than ever and I’m taking a herbal blend that is supposed to help with bowel function. (I feel kind of weird talking about all that, but it goes part and parcel with things…)

If that doesn’t help, I’m going to go the meal replacement route (just one meal replaced a day, no worries) to help me stay steady while I get my head stuff worked out.

Interesting times ahead…

I hope all of you are doing well.

Today is weigh-in day. Have I weighed in? Yep. Am I going to post the numbers here? Nope.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about everything that is going on in my life that has to do with food and weight loss. I have a binge eating past (recent past). I have childhood abuses that are linked to the way I look at food now. I have something going on in my system that is making weight loss some weird game with no regular rules. (I think I need to ‘wake up’ my digestive system. We’ll see what the doc says on Thursday.)

Anyway, with all this stuff going on and with the five pounds I gain before a TOM, I have decided to stop posting weigh-ins for right now. Until I get my body on the correct track (which is what I have been trying to do, I promise) of being able to lose weight, all that these weigh-ins do is depress me.

I will be keeping track of my weight in the notebook where I keep track of what I eat, how much I drink, exercise, etc. I’m not quitting weight tracking altogether.

The problem arises when I weigh in with no change or some gain I can’t explain and I feel like I have disappointed all of you. I know, I know – you’ll all tell me that’s a heap of rubbish. But only my logical mind can accept that. My emotional mind is still, most of the time, a scared little girl who just wants people to be happy with her.

Call it a screwed up after-affect of my upbringing or just me being weird. Either way, the more I read and learn lately, the more I realize that I need to do what I know in my gut to be right for me.

And right now, not displaying my weight stats to the world is what is right for me.

I completely missed weighing in because the husband and I stole off to enjoy our anniversary…